


The Diva Cup

by LocaMikiMocha



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Humor, Literature, Multi, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 20:04:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13174224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LocaMikiMocha/pseuds/LocaMikiMocha
Summary: What happens when the boys (particularly Mathias) come across this darling little plastic cup... Chaos literally ensues.





	The Diva Cup

"Are you sure it was a good idea to hide out here? I'm certain she'll be looking for us."  Tino says, looking out of the window for any signs of their gal pal. 

 

Biting his lip, Emil laughs nervously, "I agree. Nothing worse than a girl going bat-shit crazy over finding one of her belongings missing, and this is (y/n) we're talking about. She's scary when she's mad so I suggest you return that **thing** to her."

 

Lukas sighs, removing his gaze from his book. "Honestly, I don't understand why we've been barricaded inside with this foolish Dane. His impertinence will be his undoing." 

 

Berwald simply nods. 

 

The Dane chuckles and leans back in his seat, nursing the cold mug of beer in his hands. 

 

See, Mathias had done a great deal of snooping through your belongings while you visited Alfred and Matt. Upon his findings were several pieces of lacy lingerie composing of bras, panties, and pantyhose. Just looking at them gave him wild imaginations and blushing cheeks, but what really got his attention was this tiny little cup, about the size of a small shot glass. 

 

It was laying on top of your dresser and hidden inside this cute (f/c) floral designed pouch. 

 

Curious, he took it and that's what leads you on a wild goose chase. 

 

Anxiously, you turn the place upside down looking for this cup. It's your lifeline and it definitely makes the struggle of being a girl worthwhile. 

 

As you destroy the house searching for it, your Nordic friends have hidden in their secret hideout and have taken the liberty of leaving you on your own in the search. 

 

Meanwhile, they remain in the treehouse, all of them wondering what the cup is used for. 

 

"Why are we here with you?"

 

The Dane looks Emil in the eyes and smirks. "Well… if I get caught and you guys get caught, then I won't have to feel bad when she murders not just me, but all of us."

 

Tino pales, pacing back and forth. 

 

" _I hope she gets you first..._ "

 

Berwald reclines in a chair, fingers folded on his waist. 

 

"It looks like a mini funnel! Hehe, I wonder what she does with this," Mathias grins. 

 

Lukas merely shakes his head, "Who cares what it's for? It's not yours, it's (y/n)'s. Give it back to her before we all feel her wrath."

 

Silence. 

 

And then... 

 

" **DAMN YOU, MATHIAS KO** **HLER! I KNOW YOU HAVE MY CUP!** " you shriek, stomping outside to the backyard. 

 

You see light glinting off of Berwald's signature glasses from beyond the window and soon, your blood boils. 

 

"You've done it now, " the Swede mutters. 

 

Angrily, you climb up the stairs and march up to the door, pounding relentlessly. 

 

"Open the goddamn door right now, Kohler! I swear, when I get in there, I am going to fuck you up!" you shout, jiggling the doorknob. 

 

Cackling is heard on the other side as well as shushing as you bang on the door. 

 

"What did I tell you, idiot?! Give her the cup!" Lukas snaps, strangling the Dane with his necktie. 

 

Tino and Emil peep through the nearby window and watch when they see you backing away from the door, leaning your leg back. 

 

"No... Nononononono!" yells the Finn, grabbing Emil and diving over a couch to find cover. 

 

The Norwegian and Dane halt their movements. "What?! What's going on?!" 

 

Berwald removes his glasses and rubs away the fibers stuck to the lenses. Nothing seems to faze this guy. 

 

"Looks like she's about to kick the door down, " he answers calmly. 

 

Mathias laughs heartily, "Sure, buddy! There's no way-" 

 

He's interrupted when the door is kicked right off its hinges like Berwald said it would. Lukas sidesteps, the door coming at Mathias at a breakneck speed. 

 

It sends him flying into the wall as you seethe, eyes scanning the area for him. 

 

"Where the hell is that sneaky bastard at?!" you demand. 

 

All eyes point to the crumpled heap under the door, desperately trying to escape your fiery glare. 

 

"H-Hey there, (n/n)! Long time-"

 

With inhuman strength, you fling the door off of him and hoist him from off the floor, shoving him to the wall. 

 

"Give it to me. **NOW**!" you yell, grip tightening on his shirt. 

 

The look in your (e/c) eyes invokes sheer terror in his and allows you to freely snatch the pouch out of his hand. 

 

Your anger fades almost immediately as you stroke the pouch lovingly, repeatedly mumbling " _my precious_ ". 

 

Pocketing the pouch, you turn to leave when the Dane grabs your hand, preventing you from leaving. 

 

"Whoa, there. Before you go, missy, are you gonna at least tell us what you use that for?" he asks, dusting himself off. 

 

The rest of them nod, but you shake your head vehemently. 

 

"I'm afraid I can't do that. I don't think you can handle the truth," you explain, patting your pocket gently. 

 

He frowns and steps in front of you, "What? Of course, you can! I'm sure we can handle it!" 

 

"Are you sure you want to know?"

 

"YES!" they shout in unison. 

 

You chuckle darkly. 

~

"Ah, fucking hell, you can't be serious!"  the Dane remarks, pumping a handful of liquid soap onto his hands. He scrubs them profusely. 

 

Laughing hard, you look back to find the rest of the guys horrified and for good reason. 

 

" **Omat käteni ovat saastuneet!** " Tino screams in his native tongue, shoving Mathias out of the way to clean his own hands. 

 

Emil shudders. 

 

"Ha! Serves you right! Next time, keep your paws off my stuff!" you sass, promptly returning to the house. 

 

The Norwegian's right eye twitches erratically, "Shoot. Me. Now." 

 

Berwald collapses back into his chair, clearing his throat. 

 

"I think I just threw up a little in my mouth... "  


**Author's Note:**

> Translations:  
> Omat käteni ovat saastuneet - My hands have been contaminated/ My hands are contaminated
> 
>  
> 
> Google Translate was used so if the Finnish is wrong, please correct it! Any grammatical/punctuation errors spotted, let me know!
> 
>  
> 
> I don't own the lovely Nordics or Hetalia! They belong to Hidekaz Himaruya!


End file.
